an unfortunate grey-white sky

立夏

Small-talk introduction: The weather’s been real nasty recently. It’s been raining a lot the past week and a bit, and the sky is colourless. I feel lifeless. It’s reminiscent of the general Burnaby vibe, which is sad also because apparently the weather’s been nice and warm over there. Sunny like actual cusp of summer weather. Summer school has also begun this week. It’s 3 hours every Monday and Wednesday night, which is mostly okay, schedule-wise. I get hungry halfway through, and by 9PM, when it’s over, I’m really sleepy. It makes sense for studio courses to be 3 hours in-person because only half the time is instruction, and the rest is work time… but since we’re online, I’m just sitting in one spot for 3 hours and I have become One with the Chair.

Anyway, the picture above is from when it was slightly warmer. I went for a very short walk to the convenience store, and finally saw some signs of life. I also took a photo from my window of some clouds. I hope the secondhand camera I bought some time ago comes soon. Sometimes I think my phone camera takes some very bland photos. There’s no real… personality, unless I forcibly inject it through a surplus of adjustment filters. The picture below are from inside my room. There’s no editing done to these. I guess it’s just a slice-of-life moment, I don’t know. I look at my phone camera roll sometimes and I have no recollection of why I took some pictures.

I think lately I’ve also been in a “collecting” phase again. It’s like… a cycle of making things. There’s a stage where I absorb and read/save a lot of things, and then a stage where I synthesize and write/plan, and then the actual doing occurs. It makes sense considering I’ve just finished one semester, and I still have a bit over a week until my first assignment is due for the summer photography course. I think it’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. Maybe.

Not much to say this time. I reread my post from last year just now. It feels like a very long time ago. Every year feels very long but very short. A kind of redundant sentence… but then again, so is writing on this blog. At first I was thinking it would be nice to have a sort of Overview/update, but in reality it’s just a watered-down, safe for family view of my thoughts. This was because I don’t really call home all that often compared to some of my friends who live away from home (some call everyday, some have a weekly scheduled call, and I call whenever I need help/am really, really bored. Yes, I know I kind of suck), and also even when I lived at home I rarely talked about school/work/my interests and thoughts. I don’t know why. It’s not like my family isn’t supportive. I just don’t feel the need to talk about it. My siblings talk about their school things a lot more, which is great. I don’t know why (or perhaps I don’t want to get into why) I’m so attached to this notion of independence. Maybe that’s also why I’ve been putting off buying a plane ticket. I mean, the other reason I didn’t book my flight yet is because I’d like to be vaccinated first. That might take some time… but again, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Right. So I don’t really know what to do with this blog (as usual). It’s a recurring identity crisis for this site, which is actually kind of funny. In the end, it’s come full-circle: a child writes about stuff they notice in their life and then occasionally posts school work/personal projects. It doesn’t really mean much, and really the only audience is themselves. I guess that’s cool.

No actual suggestions for this post, either. I’ll list things I do sometimes when I’m bored:

  • Online window shop for cameras/clothes
  • Find/bookmark/buy books to read later and then forget to read them
  • Look at photos of things that give me a semblance of emotion
  • Walk to the convenience store to buy chocolate bars for 2 dollars and forget to eat them
  • Stay up really late and annoy whoever else I know is up at that time