Since it’s quite late and I (almost) forgot to write, this will be a more fragmentary and list-like post. In the past few weeks I was moderately productive: I have yet to do any work for my class, but the first test’s deadline is tomorrow so I’ll get to it… later. I also bleached and colourred my hair and now I am blond, which is incredibly fun. Only one friend has seen it in person so I am a bit sad but whatever. I feel great, my wallet does not. I also got a blood test yesterday, which was a First. The day of my hair appointment I ate ramen with my close friend and her friends, along with my sister since she was also doing her hair. She’s purple (thematically consistent).
I’m still house-hunting (or to be more accurate, room-hunting), which is terrifying. Every night (tonight included) I panic, and I’m brought back to the nightmare-having, cold-sweating little girl sitting on a futon in an empty room. When I was a baby I cried for my mom, and even if she (or my dad, who also would come to the rescue) couldn’t physically delete the source of the fear from my brain, I calmed down when I heard their voices. I guess it would be the same now. It’s too bad that I’m 21 and not 2, though. Things in real life are a lot scarier than in my head. I haven’t had a nightmare since mid-elementary school. What am I still afraid of? I could list things, but they would fall under the same categories:
- Things that threaten my safety/comfort.
- Dust/unidentifiable dirt. (Dust is mainly an allergen, which I try to avoid. Aversion is grouped with fear in this list.)
- Public speaking.
- My old high school building. That’s a joke, sort of.
- People yelling.
- Things out of my control.
- Also public speaking.
- Waiting. (In line, for others, for my turn to present, making phone calls, etc)
- Anything I can’t prepare for/experience ahead of time/new things with no prior notice.
- The emotions of other people.
- Going to the dentist.
- Meeting up with old friends.
Not an exhaustive list, of course, and most of these are just Things I’d Rather Avoid But I Can Deal With Because I’m A Big Kid Now. Except for spiders. And my thoughts on pain are kind of wishy-washy, considering my bad habits and somewhat masochistic tendencies. I think that’s about it for now. The recommendation for this post is to sleep regularly, which is directed mostly at myself. Goodnight.