Author: Grace Yin

Somebody you used to know.

waiting for time to pass

谷雨。

Something I made as part of a final project.

I’ve had the tab for this draft open for about a day or so without having written a single word. Procrastinating even the things I enjoy doing, the things that I’ve set for myself, the things that normally serve as a reprieve in an otherwise unpleasant school day… I guess that just proves that I am Chilling and it is the End of the Semester. I’m done with my third year of classes. As usual, I have no idea how I got here. I just kept walking, handing assignments in, talking to friends, making new friends, eating too many snacks, etc.

It’s been a week of No Real Responsibilities, and I don’t think there’s been a single day where I slept before 5AM. The sun rises early these days, which is nice. I did do my taxes, pay summer tuition, confirm my enrolment, clean my room, cut my hair, and call my parents, so I wouldn’t consider myself unproductive. Somehow I still feel like I don’t have enough time.

Flowers from the front yard. My landlord was talking about how that’s the first (and perhaps only) sign of life here in Toronto.

Anyway, let’s talk about something else! I’ve been thinking about Writing recently. This sounds hilarious because ever since I could utilise Words, I have been haphazardly stringing them together to create stories and thought-processes. I’ve been thinking about writing more fiction since the end of the fall semester, but ended up too busy to get to it. I did write a few nonfictional fiction pieces that I used for various school projects (such as the dark), which is pretty fun. I essentially use some real-life experienced events and write them as if it happened to some fictional character that had more explicit emotions than I do, and more willingness to speak about said emotions, and then I write it from a first person perspective. It’s fiction because it’s not reality, but it’s nonfiction because it’s real. It’s also a bit more dramatized, and often comes wth a tidy ending, or attempt at a conclusion. (…) I guess all writing is like that, though.

I also “found” (the quotation marks are because I never lost it in the first place) a piece of writing from early 2017. In light of recent events I wanted to dig it up and rewrite it, but I feel like it may be doing my 16 year old self a disservice to write over it. I never named it, so the document in my drive is still called narrative 2.5. Again, it highlights the complexities in the way I saw myself as a young teenager and my extended family, who I never really had a relationship with at that point. Obviously things changed in 2019 when I went to China alone, but that’s not this story.

I’ve been thinking of dissecting the often hard to understand writing I did in high school. As I have always been a fairly emotionally repressed person, I tend to alway distance myself from my feelings by using Big Words, Long Phrases, overly flowery language, an attempt at scientific language, and a lot of thinly veiled extended metaphors. If not already painfully obvious, this renders most of my recreational writing to be like poems or puzzles. It’d be fun (for me) to try to take them apart, but I’m also afraid that I won’t find any answers… or maybe have to refamiliarize myself with some things I thought I could put away.

It’s quite late now, so I’ll end the post quickly before the sun rises. It’s supposed to snow today, which is very funny to me. I guess I’ll end by saying that this winter semester wasn’t all too bad. It ended a lot better than how it started. I made/wrote some things I don’t hate. I guess everything’s not too bad. I guess as a recommendation for this solar term… bring a jacket if it may rain, and maybe write. Maybe it can just be something stupid, like a very bad freeform poem written on the subway in 2 languages, neither of which you have a great grasp of.

I’ll include the link to the doc where I’ve collected most of the work I’ve done this year. It was originally meant to be private, so ignore the stupid parts: 2020-2021 总结.  I may introduce one of the projects more later on.

on taking it slow

清明。

From last weekend. That is my reflection.

It’s both Easter Sunday and Tomb-sweeping Day. I saw some pictures online where people joked about being brought to life immediately after dying, or never being alive in the first place (something something cycle of morbid humour generations), which are funny and fair, I suppose. For some reason, in my mind, I interpreted the two to be the same. Technically, they’re both celebrations of life. To be obnoxious, in order to be certified dead, you’d have to be alive at some point. Something I commonly hear grieving people say is that as long as we remember them, they’re alive.

Overall, it’s a great day to remember the relationships and people that no longer exist. The act of keeping memories (and other such parts of the grieving process) is inherently self-centred, and I’m a big proponent of self-centred acts. I’ve written before about the concept of self-care earlier this year, and it may seem like something the younger generation has made up to excuse frivolous spending or silly indulgences but it’s really just another word for Living. What’s the point of actually being alive if you’re not finding something to enjoy? Or at the very least, something that isn’t objectively bad or personally annoying. Maybe I’m a little hedonistic.

Last night (or early this morning) we had a nice little cousin chat. There was actually very little actual chatting happening, and we also spent a good hour and a half playing games. We ended the call around 3-4AM, and I was feeling very energized (not sure if it’s because I got to talk to people, or because I had consumed a lot of sugar during that call, or maybe I’m truly nocturnal) so I worked on my various assignments until 6:30AM. I realized then that it really is spring, since the sun was beginning to rise. I still couldn’t sleep until probably 7 when I passed out magically. I woke up to the sun fully up and my room fairly warm (at 11AM). Then I played Animal Crossing and messaged some people back. After this post, I’ll go back to working, and then I’ll make and eat dinner…

Anyway, I really enjoy living on my own. Not to say that I prefer it all the time, since there’s definitely things I wish I had (the Touch of a Human Being, casual conversation, Really Great Dinners, snacks, calligraphy set…, etc), but it sure is nice to do whatever I want. Now, if only I could go outside… I’ve been sort of reading the news and being kind of desolate about the vaccination schedule. Seems like it could be better implemented But However I am not really qualified to comment on that. 🙂

I drew myself on my hard-boiled egg. Happy Easter.

I went on a few outings in the last few weeks, actually. Last weekend, to be precise. I’ve been mulling over a few thoughts, and had a few conversations and emails with my parents and grandpa about some things. I’ll most likely put it into a post when classes end (in a week or so, hopefully). It’s not really going to be all that interesting, but then again, this blog is also an entirely self-centred thing in the first place. Who am I writing to? Who’s reading it? I don’t know, and does it really matter? At the end, I’m just cataloguing my own thoughts for the future Me to read. At the very least, I’ll be entertained. Or maybe annoyed, I don’t know.

Reminds me of that class I had last semester where my instructor asked me “What makes you think people will want to read your blog/look at your work?”. You know, that’s a great question. I never thought about it. I assumed that people will look at it if they want, and everyone will have a different level of engagement with it. For example, I’d imagine my family to be less interested in my work/writing than my friends, while my classmates are more or less forced to look at my work. Whether they comment or not doesn’t matter as much to me either. Art (which is what I hope to make, I guess) is a pretty personal thing, and if the viewer has something to share, I’d appreciate hearing it, but if they just want to give me a thumbs up (or down), I don’t really mind.

What a disastrously (dis)organized post! I wrote messily about Living and then Art. How dramatic, and how fitting. I need more sleep, but since it’s Crunch Time, I don’t expect to get much for the next little while. Anyway, for a final thought before I get back to work: slower hobbies are fun. My dad tried to teach Gloria and I Chinese calligraphy when we were kids, and emphasis is placed on the word “tried”. Gloria and I were little shits (and still are, I think) and gave up after a few weeks, which also makes sense because our fine motor skills weren’t all that great back then. I have two of those brush pens with refillable ink and tried to write some words with what little I remembered and despite being Incredibly Bad, it’s pretty fun. It forces me to go very slow. Whenever I draw or write by hand, it’s always very fast and scribbly and I end up feeling very manic and easily frustrated when something doesn’t look right. I guess with the calligraphy brushes, I can’t really do that. Although there is a style of calligraphy which is more free and harder for someone like me to read… anyway, I’m just trying new things. It’s keeping me entertained for now. Drawing with those brush-pens is also pretty fun, too.

Also from last weekend.

 

 

vernal equinox

春分.

The sky was a lot bluer but I edited it for extra moodiness.

The picture for today is from a demolished site I passed by on a quick walk. I went to buy snacks because there was a weekend sale, and decided to take a walk since the temperature was so mild. On the way home the sun was in my face so I did feel a bit warm. It was extremely windy (as usual), but there were… a lot of people outside. I really shouldn’t complain because I too was outside, but then again… I wasn’t loitering with a large group of people on the corners of the streets smoking. Mildly annoying.

Anyway, hopefully the warmer weather stays! I forgot about Daylight Savings last week so it kind of threw me off. It is nice to have the sunset a bit later. I don’t know what my favourite time of day is anymore (tangentially related). I used to say afternoon, back in high school, and then later on sunset, or evening; then I said midnight, and more recently I’ve been saying dawn. I don’t know, maybe I don’t have a favourite (copout answer!). Maybe any moment where I’m alive and acutely aware of Time is a good time of day. As long as I’m enjoying it, I suppose.

And… it is nearing the end of the semester… the end of 3rd year. I’ve never really thought I’d get this far in school (or life). It’s definitely interesting to see how much I’ve changed—mostly in ways I doubt others can see, but are pretty substantial regardless. That’s a topic that I find kind of boring now, actually. I’ve discussed at length the ways I’ve viewed (personal) progress on this blog throughout the years, and at this point I find that there’s very little to say. Maybe I’ll reflect more in 10 years.

Recently I’ve been trying to change up the way I write. I used to be overly finicky when it came to the flow of sentences and phrases, and I wanted everything to sound smooth when read out loud (or read in the mind’s voice). I’ve been reading more prose (albeit in Chinese) and I’ve been thinking about poetry. Not necessarily a poem, but harbouring a poetic sensibility… or something like that.

Some writing from a few months ago. It’s all collected on a doc I’ve been adding to since March 2015.

Anyway, I’ve been playing Animal Crossing again. It really does just bring me so much joy. I also bought more fun things for myself (a mic, a book, some pants…, a wine bottle opener). The end of the school year is always super tiring and I’m trying not be burnt out but alas. I guess this is it for now. No real recommendations other than Read More, Write More, and buy self-indulgent things, and try to find what you enjoy doing. For what felt like the longest time, I felt discouraged from doing things like drawing or writing because I knew I wasn’t as good as my peers or People-on-the-internet, and also because I had to do that for school so every number mark I received felt like further proof I was untalented. I’ve been trying to find what I enjoyed from those hobbies (or skills) and do them, without any shame. Even if it’s a bad Thing that I’ve created, at least I’ve created something. I am the god of my own world, I can do whatever I want, nothing has meaning unless you want it to, etc etc.

My brother (on the left) and I, on his island.

piece of cake

惊蛰

A cake my mom and I made last year. It purposefully looks the way it does.

I just ate a slice of frozen cheesecake that I’ve been slowly savouring for the past… few months. I was also thinking about metaphors and figures of speech, so I thought the title would work well. Maybe. I don’t know. Then I had to search for a suitable picture, and conveniently I had a bunch of unedited pictures I took with my DSLR during last year’s extended summer at home on my desktop, so I quickly slapped some adjustments and colour filters on and here we have it! A post!

Let’s see… I’ve done a considerable amount of school work (work in general, I guess) since last time, so I could start by talking about them a bit. I received a mark for one of them already, and it wasn’t … too good … but it was above average! Slightly! So I didn’t feel too bad. The other one I don’t know (if it’s any good) the mark, but it took a lot of work. I probably shouldn’t have done it all one day, but I did, and here it is: a story about baby hands. It’s based off of one of those thoughts I’ve always had running around my mind since high school (“my hands are small and can only hold so much”) (aka can’t hold anything) centred around my feelings of inadequacy. I remember always feeling like I wasn’t very good, just being myself. I felt like I was a terrible older sister, a bad student compared to my friends, a bad friend, a failure at being a Girl, an uninteresting person, and so on. As a teenager, those things were my entire world. I had no identity aside from the roles I was playing in others’ lives, and I was extremely passive. Again… I’m glad I chose to try being independent. I ended up being comfortable with how I wasn’t going to be a certain thing, or become the archetype. I was just going to make myself content, no matter how wonky I am, and when needed, offer my wonky little advice. I mean, I still have those Feelings of Inadequacy, but I get the vibe they’re always going to be here. A more than healthy dose of humility, in a way.

I’ve got a lot of work to do next week if I don’t want to cram again, so there’s not much else to report. Not exciting. I signed up for summer classes on Monday. They’re all online and at night, so I could go home, but I know it’s hard to focus at home. There’s a lot more distractions (like playing games with my brother and watching dramas with my sister and eating a lot and just… anything but work), and I’ll be too comfortable, but… well… anyway. I’ll think about it. I’m always thinking about it.

From a bus on Monday. Venturing out to pick up a package.

I find that my productivity and mood really varies from week to week. An irregular not-so-circular cycle of feeling like a pile of goop (man-soup) and a regular functioning person… I’m really not sure why, but I’m going to try to take advantage of this burst of Liveliness (or as lively as I’ll ever be). Anyway, I did my laundry today so my room smells all nice, and also it’s quite late so I’ll be off to sleep. Hard to believe it’s already March again.

again, it is snowing

雨水

Milk tea…

There was a snowfall warning for this week, and it’s been falling pretty readily this whole week. For once, I’m able to admire it without having to worry about journeying through it to class. It’s very bright out as a result, and the whiteness reflects endlessly in my room. That’s probably not… optically correct, but it sure is blindingly white outside. I can barely look out my windows. I guess that’s it for an introduction to the post. Like last year, I am once again halfway through reading break. I can safely say that I’ve been even less productive this year, but I also care a little less… I just want to get this semester done with. Get this whole degree done with, to be honest. School is an exhausting thing and I wish it wasn’t so necessary.

Anyway, today’s recommendation is a very fresh one. I ordered a milk tea just now and chose kanten jelly as a topping (I know why it’s called a “topping”, but since it usually sinks to the bottom, shouldn’t it be called a… actually, never mind.). It’s very nice. I like the texture. For some inexplicable reason, the bounciness reminds me of a nameless emotion, but it’s an emotion adjacent to joy. Normally I get grass jelly as a topping because 1) it’s soft, 2) it was a sort of nickname in high school, so it has a bit of a bittersweet tinge to it…, and 3) tastes good, but some places aren’t very generous with the amount of jelly. I’m not that picky but I would like to get my 70 cents worth, you know?

Something else I’d like to recommend is a whiteboard wall sticker! I bought a roll of whiteboard material, which you can cut and stick onto a clean section of wall. It’s great fun: I cut one piece to use as a weekly planner, and it’s placed somewhere with high visibility in my room; and another one I cut smaller and placed behind me so I can turn around like some kind of … detective? and write down any thoughts or idea for projects. Obviously these aren’t advertisements, just a good-spirited recommendation. I like whiteboards, they remind me of elementary school. The weekly calendar especially reminds me of the Shape of the Day from primary grades.

I have interesting printing so it’s probably for the better that you can’t read it.

One more recommendation, since I like groups of 3: this song. No particular reason, I just like it. I would link a playlist I made but I think they’re just a tad bit too specific for anyone other than Gloria to Get. But who knows, maybe someday I’ll link one and it’ll be relatable enough… or something.

Let’s see… no real profound thoughts recently. I’ve just been physically chilling and mentally stuck in a rut. I have a lot of projects due next week, as well as a midterm, but I’ve been putting it all off. I don’t know where to start, despite having many scattered pieces and ideas all around my brain and my room… these ellipses are just further evidence that I have no idea what I’m doing. Being lost is also tiring. But anyway, I think that’s it for today. Hopefully next post I’ll still be functional.

Until then.

it continues! + new things

立春。

I went to Chinatown today to get some groceries. I was a little distracted by all the snacks and Chinese New Year specials, but I managed to control myself and only get what I needed. I did buy some instant coffee, though, but that was for purely sentimental reasons. It was the red Nescafe tubes, which is what my grandma had in her home (for one of my uncles), and I ended up drinking them every time I visited because she would make me regardless. Anyway, it was pretty cold today. I wore a soft, thick grey knit sweater my parents bought me when we visited my maternal grandparents in San Francisco in 2016 at Uniqlo; as well as a scarf I bought myself not too long ago. As a result I was pretty warm… the only thing I was missing was gloves, which are pretty hard to buy because I have remarkably small hands. My last pair of gloves were children’s gloves, but those often tend not to be very fashionable. Or even just minimalist, actually. I would just like a pair of black gloves that didn’t attract lint or snag on velcro, while also being waterproof and fit my hands.

Then I got home and cleaned, answered some messages, talked to my roommates briefly, thought about buying a Roomba, and remembered I have homework due tomorrow. So I decided to procrastinate by writing.

This is from last year’s 立春 post.

As usual, my predictions were pretty spot-on. Congratulations! I don’t think there’s been any drastic change personally to me or my life, so it makes sense. Around the end of 2020, though, I was thinking that maybe I should be a little more ambitious and have some more Segments in these posts so I would have something to say instead of what is essentially small-talk with myself. I listed a few things in a document, like Silly Advice, or Random Recommendations, or maybe a sampler for some of the longer posts I’ve been ruminating for the past while. I guess it’ll be up to me on that particular day: originally I was thinking of including all of the above, but I think that maybe Too Much. Again, I don’t know how I’ll be feeling in a few weeks from now, so it’ll all be very 随意… like it always is with me.

I’ll start by just mentioning what I’ve been up to recently, I suppose, in terms of media consumption. My sister and I watched 白夜追凶 at the end of December, and it was a lot of fun. It had been a while since I actually enjoyed watching something, and it also helped that I find men around the age of 40 to be cute (so it was more fun). We went into the show knowing that there wouldn’t be a second season anymore, so we thought Well We Might As Well Watch It Now, except now we are sad that there is no second season. Anyway, then I developed a crush on the main actor and watched the other 鬼吹灯 web-series (as mentioned in the last post), and most recently, I watched 局中人. I had very low expectations for that last one, but… it was better than I expected. I’ve been thinking about writing more in-depth about that drama because there’s a Lot to unpack, but I think I’ll have to do some research and planning first. (It’s 49 episodes, which in my opinion is Too Many episodes, but I finished in less than a week, partly because I spent 10h of one day just watching… My classes were my breaks from the show, instead of the other way around…) Also, I have some stupid thoughts and screenshots on my twitter.

That’s about it for today’s post! At some point I’ll also compile the advice and recs from last year (maybe in the next post, or whenever I end up empty-handed), so that’ll be something. It’s also Chinese New Year soon, which is cool. It’s the year of the Ox, which is also what my parents are. Hehe. It’s time to send them a lot of cow-related trinkets.

Until then!

 

大寒

Major cold.

a sunrise from some time ago

Also, it’s the 腊八 festival, which I don’t really know about either. Pretty much all festivals and more important terms are excuses to have big dinners and eat well, which is nice when you’re with family. …which I’m not, but that’s okay. This is the last solar term of 2020! How time passes! Not sure how I got here, to this point, but to be honest, I’m feeling pretty much the same as I did when I wrote the first one. Sleep-deprived, tired in all ways, not really paying too much attention to class, and surrounded by cold snow.

So school has started, and I’ve been having some amount of difficulty settling into a routine. I managed to catch a cold (or maybe just break something in my body) earlier this week, so I’m suffering the consequences now. In the realm of introspection, I’ve also been trying to work through some things, while also trying to balance out other things, and there’s just a lot of things. I feel a bit like a small planet that’s spinning really quickly but orbiting a larger star system in a much slower manner. I haven’t been able to sleep well recently either, and when I do, I have random weirdly vivid nonsensical dreams full of pictures that I note (in the dream) to remember for later so I can recreate them; or full of people that I see on my screen (some I know personally, some I know conceptually) everyday.

I don’t think I have anything else of substance to talk about. Since last post, I’ve watched 2 web-dramas in the 鬼吹灯 series. It was fun to watch, partially because I love history and action, and also partially because I like the main actor. I’m a simple man: if it looks interesting enough, and has enough actors I like, I’ll probably take a look. It was nice also because they were pretty short and I could finish them quickly if I really wanted to. Whenever my Chinese literacy goes up, I might read the original novels… but that’s probably going to take forever since I’m not really learning properly. Anyway, we’ll see. I still think it’s funny that about 2 years ago, I watched the first installment of the web-series for a different man… and now… I guess that really shows how simple I can be.

Also, since it’s the second week of classes, we’re getting right back into Things, and I’m reminded of how much I hate academia. Maybe someday I’ll write something about it (which seems kind of ironic), but for now, I’ll just look at my dark circles in the mirror and tell myself that it’s worth it. At the very least, I know now for certain I hate school.

That’s kind of a sad note to end the post, so I’ll try to think of something else… well, I’ve got nothing. I took 5 minutes away from the post to think but all I have is this playlist I made a while ago. Listen to it if you want. I’m off to nap.

小寒

Minor cold.

Class resumes in less than a week, and in the time in between I have been Not Sleeping Well, Not Eating Well, and generally not Faring Very Well. Reading the news from the relative safety of my bed (a soft, warm place) in a room in the back of an old house (somewhat stable, not owned by me) at 5pm is a kind of surreal experience nowadays. Am I reading fiction? What part of the last 12 months have felt like grounded reality to me? Of course, not much of my life as a whole has felt like reality. There were many times throughout my childhood that I felt as if everything was passing by too quickly, like I was on a train (which I’ve never been) going through the countryside and I was trying to count the cows or read the signs that we passed. There was never really a moment to pause and process anything, and maybe that’s what’s impeding upon my experience of existing.

Anyway, not much to talk about again. Still cold outside, a bit chaotic as usual, and full of anxiety about Everything. I’m dreading school, and I’m dreading having to dread things again, which is another big problem. When your biggest problems are yourself, you’d think it’d be easier. You’d also think that, having gone through some Shit at a younger age, I would be better equipped to deal with mental health issues, but unfortunately it’s quite the opposite. I’ve developed some pretty bad coping methods. I had a friend assume I’d be okay just because of that, which is laughable. It’s like when someone hurts their elbow and instead of seeing a doctor or anything, favours it and instead uses their shoulder and strains that instead. At some point they’re gonna have an entirely damaged arm, and then they can’t do anything anymore. It’s unsustainable. I’m unsustainable. (The metaphor was a reference, yes.)

Not much else to report. We’ll see how I feel when school starts. I really hope the 2nd semester is better but historically, no it won’t be. Again, I’d just love to pass my courses. Please and thank you.

2021

元旦快乐
Happy New Year!

I’m not quite sure how to start this one off, but we’re going in headfirst as usual. There’s never any plan or cohesive structure behind any of these posts, so it’s always fun to see where I end up by the final sentences. As per my own customs, we will begin by reviewing last year’s post: 2020.

I guess I was right about the “you never know what could happen”. Staying alive really did become an achievement this year, and I turned 20 successfully. That’s a plus. My usual pessimism turned out to be pretty accurate as a predictor, which is not great. I like this line: “Being busy is a lot better than being sad.” This is hilarious because I was not only busy but also sad. Except for the summer, of course: I don’t know if I was busy or sad. I was just floating. I think that’s a good descriptor for 2020 in general: just… going with the flow. 2019 felt like 5 years, but 2020 felt like just 2. Clearly, I have no grasp on time, but I hope you get what I’m saying.

Here’s last year’s reminder:

  • There’s a lot out there, and you’re not an outsider to it all.

I have no clue what I was talking about. Is this referring… to school? To Adult Society? I have no idea. I’m not really in the mood to try to analyze it, either (analyzing things reminds me too much of school), but I think it was more of an encouraging type of thing. I’ve always been pretty passive, usually observing and commenting quietly on things and trying to avoid getting too invested in anything. It’s a tactic that definitely is pretty safe, as far as self-preservation goes, but it can also be pretty boring… which is another thing I can’t stand. So I’m guessing I was just trying to get myself to care a little more about things. I think I did sort of end up doing that, I fought with some instructors and met new people and tried to be less cold, in a way. Not sure if it worked, but only time will tell.

Some people have also been listing their achievements from 2020 to lift themselves up, but I probably can’t do that. I’m a depressing person and I’m not as keen as I used to be about reflecting constantly. It’s a circular thought pattern usually, especially since I live alone and I don’t really get a second opinion anymore to the things I think about.

Let’s keep this simple.

  • Continue going with the flow. Don’t be too quick to judge others even if they judge you first. Sometimes people are just like that. The only thing I know is myself, and I have faith in my (lack of proper) morals.

Also, I’ll try to call my parents more often and try to stay focused in class (which is harder than usual because I’m no longer physically in class and I don’t need to act cool. I’m kidding. Maybe.)

Anyway, the solar term system seems to be working great, so it’ll be continuing. I’ll update the categories at some point next week, and maybe… there will be… some more Other Content. Who knows.

Until then.

冬至

Winter solstice.

a pretend sunset.

School is technically over, except I felt really burnt out so I got an extension and thus have not finished my work for that one class. I guess I’m kind of glad about it, because otherwise I’d be bored. I’ve been living in a timezone of my own for the past week or so, sleeping when my friends wake up and waking up a few hours later and then repeating this process. Does the sun rise? I never see it.

But I guess I’m not complaining so much as observing myself. Disassociation. Today’s winter solstice, which is associated with dumplings, so one of my housemates (who is Chinese) and I went out to get dumplings. They were very homemade and not as good as the ones my family makes, but I’ve been pretty spoiled by my parents food-wise. That’s good, of course, but also bad because now I am picky and also not into cooking. I am into desserts, though. Maybe I’ll just be the resident dessert maker and eater. Anyway, I had a beer and a few dumplings. After a stressful semester, even this was enough to make me feel alive again. That’s step one: eating properly and talking to people, taking walks, feeling the freezing cold wind, all that stuff that reminds me I am a person and not a personality plugged into the internet.

Anyway, I’ll probably get to trying to be better at taking care of myself once I’m actually with this absolutely cursed semester. I just want to sleep for 24 hours. I probably can’t do it, but the idea is so enticing. But for now, I’m going to take a shower and get back to writing.