Author: Grace Yin

Somebody you used to know.

sudden heat warning


Walking home from my vaccination appointment.

Well, I didn’t end up doing too much the past few weeks either. I did my assignment, went to the dentist, got vaccinated, and overall felt quite lethargic. I also didn’t watch many things, or enjoy anything either. It hadn’t been too hot until yesterday, where I received a heat warning notification. There’s also a thunderstorm warning, which I’m kind of looking forward to. I’ve also killed a bunch of spiders recently… that’s been extremely annoying and terrifying. I hate spiders.

I went through my records to recall what I’ve been up to recently, and for legibility’s sake I’ll list them:

  1. I read 地獄楽! The art is pretty and it was fun. I forgot how enjoyable shounen series were, and finished it within a day. My favourite character is Jikka because he is a piece of shit and also has Great Hair.
  2. My sister and I are slowly getting through 谁说我结不了婚 and it is incredibly… cute? I find one man incredibly cute, that’s for sure. I watch most romance shows/Chinese TV shows with a extremely bitter and critical eye, but besides that, it’s fun. It’s taken us over a month to watch because we don’t have time to watch together, but that might also be an excuse.
  3. I also read 君は放課後インソムニア. It’s also cute and fun! I don’t think it’s finished, but still worth reading. I really relate to the whole insomnia thing… as well as the general high school theme, astronomy, being sleepy…
  4. Oh, I bought some games. I haven’t had the time to play them yet, but maybe when I go back home I’ll be able to carve some time out with my siblings.
  5. Right. I bought a ticket to go home for a while! Lots to do before then, and lots to do when I get there.
A photo from my latest assignment.

The next post will most likely have more Actual Content. Or maybe not, we’ll see. Hopefully I’ll get through this class alright. Until then.

mid-afternoon coffee


Some flowers near the studio building I had classes in last year.

The above image is an unedited photograph I took with a Fujifilm Finepix camera I got from a seller on ebay. It works great and really gets the Nostalgic Feel, even though I can’t use it for my class. It’s fun, and I like having a point and shoot I can just take outside. If I wanted high-quality pictures, I’d bring my Rebel T6, and if I wanted pictures I can easily share with friends and family I have my phone. I think I still want a few more, though. Definitely want a film camera and a monochrome camera, and maybe some more recent point and shoots? I also would like a video camera, preferably an early 2000s one as well. The resulting product will be as blurry and unreliable as my own memory.

I had a few topics in mind to flesh out later, so I’ve stashed them on a doc somewhere for now. My class has begun, and it’s been okay so far. I’m not really enjoying it, but at least I’m doing something so I don’t feel like a complete and utter waste of space. I went on a few walks last week and earlier this week to take pictures of the streets around where I live, and it’s been nice. Actually, it’s been really hot. It was 33°C today. I felt super lethargic when I woke up in the afternoon so I ordered some 小笼包 and other buns (for lunch and dinner). It was a great incentive. I felt great. Meat is great.

What else? I talked to my family for the remainder of the afternoon, then grabbed dinner around 9pm and called my friends, and then played games with them and some people in the faculty discord until 3am. It was pretty fun, although not productive at all. My friend keeps telling me that I don’t have to produce things to be productive, because technically doing nothing/recuperating can be productive as well, but my stupid puzzle-solving monkey brain says I must see product for it to count. So here I am, writing a post at 4am (though I’ll schedule it for the actual date of).

View out the window behind my desk.

This picture was from the first assignment. I don’t think I did well, but I do think I got a lot out of it. Not academically, necessarily, but more like… well, I got exercise, and I got to see both the sunrise and the sunset. I also saw a shooting star! I talked to my friends pretty often, and I stayed up late and slept in everyday. I could wear all my white graphic T-shirts because it’s hot.

Tangentially related, but I also pulled up some music I haven’t listened to since high school for the Motivation. During the entirety of the weekend I spent working on the first assignment, I was listening to Common World Domination. It’s very fun. The next assignment’s due on Wednesday, so I guess I should find a song/playlist for that. I don’t know what to do yet, but I’ll figure it out in the next few days, somehow.

I guess a suggestion/recommendation is to take some time just to relax, whatever that may mean. Maybe that means sitting in the shower thinking about nothing. Maybe it means watching the sunrise from the attic. Maybe it means eating a lot and then staring at the wall. Maybe it means drinking 2 juiceboxes a day. I always feel guilty about that. I think guilt is stupid. Learning from your mistakes is fine and dandy, but the crushing feelings of inadequacy and fear really don’t need to follow me forever. But! Feelings are irrational. I like to think I’m rational, but unfortunately I am Only Human.

Anyway, that’s it for now. I hope there’s a thunderstorm soon, I love those.

an unfortunate grey-white sky


Small-talk introduction: The weather’s been real nasty recently. It’s been raining a lot the past week and a bit, and the sky is colourless. I feel lifeless. It’s reminiscent of the general Burnaby vibe, which is sad also because apparently the weather’s been nice and warm over there. Sunny like actual cusp of summer weather. Summer school has also begun this week. It’s 3 hours every Monday and Wednesday night, which is mostly okay, schedule-wise. I get hungry halfway through, and by 9PM, when it’s over, I’m really sleepy. It makes sense for studio courses to be 3 hours in-person because only half the time is instruction, and the rest is work time… but since we’re online, I’m just sitting in one spot for 3 hours and I have become One with the Chair.

Anyway, the picture above is from when it was slightly warmer. I went for a very short walk to the convenience store, and finally saw some signs of life. I also took a photo from my window of some clouds. I hope the secondhand camera I bought some time ago comes soon. Sometimes I think my phone camera takes some very bland photos. There’s no real… personality, unless I forcibly inject it through a surplus of adjustment filters. The picture below are from inside my room. There’s no editing done to these. I guess it’s just a slice-of-life moment, I don’t know. I look at my phone camera roll sometimes and I have no recollection of why I took some pictures.

I think lately I’ve also been in a “collecting” phase again. It’s like… a cycle of making things. There’s a stage where I absorb and read/save a lot of things, and then a stage where I synthesize and write/plan, and then the actual doing occurs. It makes sense considering I’ve just finished one semester, and I still have a bit over a week until my first assignment is due for the summer photography course. I think it’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. Maybe.

Not much to say this time. I reread my post from last year just now. It feels like a very long time ago. Every year feels very long but very short. A kind of redundant sentence… but then again, so is writing on this blog. At first I was thinking it would be nice to have a sort of Overview/update, but in reality it’s just a watered-down, safe for family view of my thoughts. This was because I don’t really call home all that often compared to some of my friends who live away from home (some call everyday, some have a weekly scheduled call, and I call whenever I need help/am really, really bored. Yes, I know I kind of suck), and also even when I lived at home I rarely talked about school/work/my interests and thoughts. I don’t know why. It’s not like my family isn’t supportive. I just don’t feel the need to talk about it. My siblings talk about their school things a lot more, which is great. I don’t know why (or perhaps I don’t want to get into why) I’m so attached to this notion of independence. Maybe that’s also why I’ve been putting off buying a plane ticket. I mean, the other reason I didn’t book my flight yet is because I’d like to be vaccinated first. That might take some time… but again, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Right. So I don’t really know what to do with this blog (as usual). It’s a recurring identity crisis for this site, which is actually kind of funny. In the end, it’s come full-circle: a child writes about stuff they notice in their life and then occasionally posts school work/personal projects. It doesn’t really mean much, and really the only audience is themselves. I guess that’s cool.

No actual suggestions for this post, either. I’ll list things I do sometimes when I’m bored:

  • Online window shop for cameras/clothes
  • Find/bookmark/buy books to read later and then forget to read them
  • Look at photos of things that give me a semblance of emotion
  • Walk to the convenience store to buy chocolate bars for 2 dollars and forget to eat them
  • Stay up really late and annoy whoever else I know is up at that time

waiting for time to pass


Something I made as part of a final project.

I’ve had the tab for this draft open for about a day or so without having written a single word. Procrastinating even the things I enjoy doing, the things that I’ve set for myself, the things that normally serve as a reprieve in an otherwise unpleasant school day… I guess that just proves that I am Chilling and it is the End of the Semester. I’m done with my third year of classes. As usual, I have no idea how I got here. I just kept walking, handing assignments in, talking to friends, making new friends, eating too many snacks, etc.

It’s been a week of No Real Responsibilities, and I don’t think there’s been a single day where I slept before 5AM. The sun rises early these days, which is nice. I did do my taxes, pay summer tuition, confirm my enrolment, clean my room, cut my hair, and call my parents, so I wouldn’t consider myself unproductive. Somehow I still feel like I don’t have enough time.

Flowers from the front yard. My landlord was talking about how that’s the first (and perhaps only) sign of life here in Toronto.

Anyway, let’s talk about something else! I’ve been thinking about Writing recently. This sounds hilarious because ever since I could utilise Words, I have been haphazardly stringing them together to create stories and thought-processes. I’ve been thinking about writing more fiction since the end of the fall semester, but ended up too busy to get to it. I did write a few nonfictional fiction pieces that I used for various school projects (such as the dark), which is pretty fun. I essentially use some real-life experienced events and write them as if it happened to some fictional character that had more explicit emotions than I do, and more willingness to speak about said emotions, and then I write it from a first person perspective. It’s fiction because it’s not reality, but it’s nonfiction because it’s real. It’s also a bit more dramatized, and often comes wth a tidy ending, or attempt at a conclusion. (…) I guess all writing is like that, though.

I also “found” (the quotation marks are because I never lost it in the first place) a piece of writing from early 2017. In light of recent events I wanted to dig it up and rewrite it, but I feel like it may be doing my 16 year old self a disservice to write over it. I never named it, so the document in my drive is still called narrative 2.5. Again, it highlights the complexities in the way I saw myself as a young teenager and my extended family, who I never really had a relationship with at that point. Obviously things changed in 2019 when I went to China alone, but that’s not this story.

I’ve been thinking of dissecting the often hard to understand writing I did in high school. As I have always been a fairly emotionally repressed person, I tend to alway distance myself from my feelings by using Big Words, Long Phrases, overly flowery language, an attempt at scientific language, and a lot of thinly veiled extended metaphors. If not already painfully obvious, this renders most of my recreational writing to be like poems or puzzles. It’d be fun (for me) to try to take them apart, but I’m also afraid that I won’t find any answers… or maybe have to refamiliarize myself with some things I thought I could put away.

It’s quite late now, so I’ll end the post quickly before the sun rises. It’s supposed to snow today, which is very funny to me. I guess I’ll end by saying that this winter semester wasn’t all too bad. It ended a lot better than how it started. I made/wrote some things I don’t hate. I guess everything’s not too bad. I guess as a recommendation for this solar term… bring a jacket if it may rain, and maybe write. Maybe it can just be something stupid, like a very bad freeform poem written on the subway in 2 languages, neither of which you have a great grasp of.

I’ll include the link to the doc where I’ve collected most of the work I’ve done this year. It was originally meant to be private, so ignore the stupid parts: 2020-2021 总结.  I may introduce one of the projects more later on.

on taking it slow


From last weekend. That is my reflection.

It’s both Easter Sunday and Tomb-sweeping Day. I saw some pictures online where people joked about being brought to life immediately after dying, or never being alive in the first place (something something cycle of morbid humour generations), which are funny and fair, I suppose. For some reason, in my mind, I interpreted the two to be the same. Technically, they’re both celebrations of life. To be obnoxious, in order to be certified dead, you’d have to be alive at some point. Something I commonly hear grieving people say is that as long as we remember them, they’re alive.

Overall, it’s a great day to remember the relationships and people that no longer exist. The act of keeping memories (and other such parts of the grieving process) is inherently self-centred, and I’m a big proponent of self-centred acts. I’ve written before about the concept of self-care earlier this year, and it may seem like something the younger generation has made up to excuse frivolous spending or silly indulgences but it’s really just another word for Living. What’s the point of actually being alive if you’re not finding something to enjoy? Or at the very least, something that isn’t objectively bad or personally annoying. Maybe I’m a little hedonistic.

Last night (or early this morning) we had a nice little cousin chat. There was actually very little actual chatting happening, and we also spent a good hour and a half playing games. We ended the call around 3-4AM, and I was feeling very energized (not sure if it’s because I got to talk to people, or because I had consumed a lot of sugar during that call, or maybe I’m truly nocturnal) so I worked on my various assignments until 6:30AM. I realized then that it really is spring, since the sun was beginning to rise. I still couldn’t sleep until probably 7 when I passed out magically. I woke up to the sun fully up and my room fairly warm (at 11AM). Then I played Animal Crossing and messaged some people back. After this post, I’ll go back to working, and then I’ll make and eat dinner…

Anyway, I really enjoy living on my own. Not to say that I prefer it all the time, since there’s definitely things I wish I had (the Touch of a Human Being, casual conversation, Really Great Dinners, snacks, calligraphy set…, etc), but it sure is nice to do whatever I want. Now, if only I could go outside… I’ve been sort of reading the news and being kind of desolate about the vaccination schedule. Seems like it could be better implemented But However I am not really qualified to comment on that. 🙂

I drew myself on my hard-boiled egg. Happy Easter.

I went on a few outings in the last few weeks, actually. Last weekend, to be precise. I’ve been mulling over a few thoughts, and had a few conversations and emails with my parents and grandpa about some things. I’ll most likely put it into a post when classes end (in a week or so, hopefully). It’s not really going to be all that interesting, but then again, this blog is also an entirely self-centred thing in the first place. Who am I writing to? Who’s reading it? I don’t know, and does it really matter? At the end, I’m just cataloguing my own thoughts for the future Me to read. At the very least, I’ll be entertained. Or maybe annoyed, I don’t know.

Reminds me of that class I had last semester where my instructor asked me “What makes you think people will want to read your blog/look at your work?”. You know, that’s a great question. I never thought about it. I assumed that people will look at it if they want, and everyone will have a different level of engagement with it. For example, I’d imagine my family to be less interested in my work/writing than my friends, while my classmates are more or less forced to look at my work. Whether they comment or not doesn’t matter as much to me either. Art (which is what I hope to make, I guess) is a pretty personal thing, and if the viewer has something to share, I’d appreciate hearing it, but if they just want to give me a thumbs up (or down), I don’t really mind.

What a disastrously (dis)organized post! I wrote messily about Living and then Art. How dramatic, and how fitting. I need more sleep, but since it’s Crunch Time, I don’t expect to get much for the next little while. Anyway, for a final thought before I get back to work: slower hobbies are fun. My dad tried to teach Gloria and I Chinese calligraphy when we were kids, and emphasis is placed on the word “tried”. Gloria and I were little shits (and still are, I think) and gave up after a few weeks, which also makes sense because our fine motor skills weren’t all that great back then. I have two of those brush pens with refillable ink and tried to write some words with what little I remembered and despite being Incredibly Bad, it’s pretty fun. It forces me to go very slow. Whenever I draw or write by hand, it’s always very fast and scribbly and I end up feeling very manic and easily frustrated when something doesn’t look right. I guess with the calligraphy brushes, I can’t really do that. Although there is a style of calligraphy which is more free and harder for someone like me to read… anyway, I’m just trying new things. It’s keeping me entertained for now. Drawing with those brush-pens is also pretty fun, too.

Also from last weekend.



vernal equinox


The sky was a lot bluer but I edited it for extra moodiness.

The picture for today is from a demolished site I passed by on a quick walk. I went to buy snacks because there was a weekend sale, and decided to take a walk since the temperature was so mild. On the way home the sun was in my face so I did feel a bit warm. It was extremely windy (as usual), but there were… a lot of people outside. I really shouldn’t complain because I too was outside, but then again… I wasn’t loitering with a large group of people on the corners of the streets smoking. Mildly annoying.

Anyway, hopefully the warmer weather stays! I forgot about Daylight Savings last week so it kind of threw me off. It is nice to have the sunset a bit later. I don’t know what my favourite time of day is anymore (tangentially related). I used to say afternoon, back in high school, and then later on sunset, or evening; then I said midnight, and more recently I’ve been saying dawn. I don’t know, maybe I don’t have a favourite (copout answer!). Maybe any moment where I’m alive and acutely aware of Time is a good time of day. As long as I’m enjoying it, I suppose.

And… it is nearing the end of the semester… the end of 3rd year. I’ve never really thought I’d get this far in school (or life). It’s definitely interesting to see how much I’ve changed—mostly in ways I doubt others can see, but are pretty substantial regardless. That’s a topic that I find kind of boring now, actually. I’ve discussed at length the ways I’ve viewed (personal) progress on this blog throughout the years, and at this point I find that there’s very little to say. Maybe I’ll reflect more in 10 years.

Recently I’ve been trying to change up the way I write. I used to be overly finicky when it came to the flow of sentences and phrases, and I wanted everything to sound smooth when read out loud (or read in the mind’s voice). I’ve been reading more prose (albeit in Chinese) and I’ve been thinking about poetry. Not necessarily a poem, but harbouring a poetic sensibility… or something like that.

Some writing from a few months ago. It’s all collected on a doc I’ve been adding to since March 2015.

Anyway, I’ve been playing Animal Crossing again. It really does just bring me so much joy. I also bought more fun things for myself (a mic, a book, some pants…, a wine bottle opener). The end of the school year is always super tiring and I’m trying not be burnt out but alas. I guess this is it for now. No real recommendations other than Read More, Write More, and buy self-indulgent things, and try to find what you enjoy doing. For what felt like the longest time, I felt discouraged from doing things like drawing or writing because I knew I wasn’t as good as my peers or People-on-the-internet, and also because I had to do that for school so every number mark I received felt like further proof I was untalented. I’ve been trying to find what I enjoyed from those hobbies (or skills) and do them, without any shame. Even if it’s a bad Thing that I’ve created, at least I’ve created something. I am the god of my own world, I can do whatever I want, nothing has meaning unless you want it to, etc etc.

My brother (on the left) and I, on his island.

piece of cake


A cake my mom and I made last year. It purposefully looks the way it does.

I just ate a slice of frozen cheesecake that I’ve been slowly savouring for the past… few months. I was also thinking about metaphors and figures of speech, so I thought the title would work well. Maybe. I don’t know. Then I had to search for a suitable picture, and conveniently I had a bunch of unedited pictures I took with my DSLR during last year’s extended summer at home on my desktop, so I quickly slapped some adjustments and colour filters on and here we have it! A post!

Let’s see… I’ve done a considerable amount of school work (work in general, I guess) since last time, so I could start by talking about them a bit. I received a mark for one of them already, and it wasn’t … too good … but it was above average! Slightly! So I didn’t feel too bad. The other one I don’t know (if it’s any good) the mark, but it took a lot of work. I probably shouldn’t have done it all one day, but I did, and here it is: a story about baby hands. It’s based off of one of those thoughts I’ve always had running around my mind since high school (“my hands are small and can only hold so much”) (aka can’t hold anything) centred around my feelings of inadequacy. I remember always feeling like I wasn’t very good, just being myself. I felt like I was a terrible older sister, a bad student compared to my friends, a bad friend, a failure at being a Girl, an uninteresting person, and so on. As a teenager, those things were my entire world. I had no identity aside from the roles I was playing in others’ lives, and I was extremely passive. Again… I’m glad I chose to try being independent. I ended up being comfortable with how I wasn’t going to be a certain thing, or become the archetype. I was just going to make myself content, no matter how wonky I am, and when needed, offer my wonky little advice. I mean, I still have those Feelings of Inadequacy, but I get the vibe they’re always going to be here. A more than healthy dose of humility, in a way.

I’ve got a lot of work to do next week if I don’t want to cram again, so there’s not much else to report. Not exciting. I signed up for summer classes on Monday. They’re all online and at night, so I could go home, but I know it’s hard to focus at home. There’s a lot more distractions (like playing games with my brother and watching dramas with my sister and eating a lot and just… anything but work), and I’ll be too comfortable, but… well… anyway. I’ll think about it. I’m always thinking about it.

From a bus on Monday. Venturing out to pick up a package.

I find that my productivity and mood really varies from week to week. An irregular not-so-circular cycle of feeling like a pile of goop (man-soup) and a regular functioning person… I’m really not sure why, but I’m going to try to take advantage of this burst of Liveliness (or as lively as I’ll ever be). Anyway, I did my laundry today so my room smells all nice, and also it’s quite late so I’ll be off to sleep. Hard to believe it’s already March again.

again, it is snowing


Milk tea…

There was a snowfall warning for this week, and it’s been falling pretty readily this whole week. For once, I’m able to admire it without having to worry about journeying through it to class. It’s very bright out as a result, and the whiteness reflects endlessly in my room. That’s probably not… optically correct, but it sure is blindingly white outside. I can barely look out my windows. I guess that’s it for an introduction to the post. Like last year, I am once again halfway through reading break. I can safely say that I’ve been even less productive this year, but I also care a little less… I just want to get this semester done with. Get this whole degree done with, to be honest. School is an exhausting thing and I wish it wasn’t so necessary.

Anyway, today’s recommendation is a very fresh one. I ordered a milk tea just now and chose kanten jelly as a topping (I know why it’s called a “topping”, but since it usually sinks to the bottom, shouldn’t it be called a… actually, never mind.). It’s very nice. I like the texture. For some inexplicable reason, the bounciness reminds me of a nameless emotion, but it’s an emotion adjacent to joy. Normally I get grass jelly as a topping because 1) it’s soft, 2) it was a sort of nickname in high school, so it has a bit of a bittersweet tinge to it…, and 3) tastes good, but some places aren’t very generous with the amount of jelly. I’m not that picky but I would like to get my 70 cents worth, you know?

Something else I’d like to recommend is a whiteboard wall sticker! I bought a roll of whiteboard material, which you can cut and stick onto a clean section of wall. It’s great fun: I cut one piece to use as a weekly planner, and it’s placed somewhere with high visibility in my room; and another one I cut smaller and placed behind me so I can turn around like some kind of … detective? and write down any thoughts or idea for projects. Obviously these aren’t advertisements, just a good-spirited recommendation. I like whiteboards, they remind me of elementary school. The weekly calendar especially reminds me of the Shape of the Day from primary grades.

I have interesting printing so it’s probably for the better that you can’t read it.

One more recommendation, since I like groups of 3: this song. No particular reason, I just like it. I would link a playlist I made but I think they’re just a tad bit too specific for anyone other than Gloria to Get. But who knows, maybe someday I’ll link one and it’ll be relatable enough… or something.

Let’s see… no real profound thoughts recently. I’ve just been physically chilling and mentally stuck in a rut. I have a lot of projects due next week, as well as a midterm, but I’ve been putting it all off. I don’t know where to start, despite having many scattered pieces and ideas all around my brain and my room… these ellipses are just further evidence that I have no idea what I’m doing. Being lost is also tiring. But anyway, I think that’s it for today. Hopefully next post I’ll still be functional.

Until then.

it continues! + new things


I went to Chinatown today to get some groceries. I was a little distracted by all the snacks and Chinese New Year specials, but I managed to control myself and only get what I needed. I did buy some instant coffee, though, but that was for purely sentimental reasons. It was the red Nescafe tubes, which is what my grandma had in her home (for one of my uncles), and I ended up drinking them every time I visited because she would make me regardless. Anyway, it was pretty cold today. I wore a soft, thick grey knit sweater my parents bought me when we visited my maternal grandparents in San Francisco in 2016 at Uniqlo; as well as a scarf I bought myself not too long ago. As a result I was pretty warm… the only thing I was missing was gloves, which are pretty hard to buy because I have remarkably small hands. My last pair of gloves were children’s gloves, but those often tend not to be very fashionable. Or even just minimalist, actually. I would just like a pair of black gloves that didn’t attract lint or snag on velcro, while also being waterproof and fit my hands.

Then I got home and cleaned, answered some messages, talked to my roommates briefly, thought about buying a Roomba, and remembered I have homework due tomorrow. So I decided to procrastinate by writing.

This is from last year’s 立春 post.

As usual, my predictions were pretty spot-on. Congratulations! I don’t think there’s been any drastic change personally to me or my life, so it makes sense. Around the end of 2020, though, I was thinking that maybe I should be a little more ambitious and have some more Segments in these posts so I would have something to say instead of what is essentially small-talk with myself. I listed a few things in a document, like Silly Advice, or Random Recommendations, or maybe a sampler for some of the longer posts I’ve been ruminating for the past while. I guess it’ll be up to me on that particular day: originally I was thinking of including all of the above, but I think that maybe Too Much. Again, I don’t know how I’ll be feeling in a few weeks from now, so it’ll all be very 随意… like it always is with me.

I’ll start by just mentioning what I’ve been up to recently, I suppose, in terms of media consumption. My sister and I watched 白夜追凶 at the end of December, and it was a lot of fun. It had been a while since I actually enjoyed watching something, and it also helped that I find men around the age of 40 to be cute (so it was more fun). We went into the show knowing that there wouldn’t be a second season anymore, so we thought Well We Might As Well Watch It Now, except now we are sad that there is no second season. Anyway, then I developed a crush on the main actor and watched the other 鬼吹灯 web-series (as mentioned in the last post), and most recently, I watched 局中人. I had very low expectations for that last one, but… it was better than I expected. I’ve been thinking about writing more in-depth about that drama because there’s a Lot to unpack, but I think I’ll have to do some research and planning first. (It’s 49 episodes, which in my opinion is Too Many episodes, but I finished in less than a week, partly because I spent 10h of one day just watching… My classes were my breaks from the show, instead of the other way around…) Also, I have some stupid thoughts and screenshots on my twitter.

That’s about it for today’s post! At some point I’ll also compile the advice and recs from last year (maybe in the next post, or whenever I end up empty-handed), so that’ll be something. It’s also Chinese New Year soon, which is cool. It’s the year of the Ox, which is also what my parents are. Hehe. It’s time to send them a lot of cow-related trinkets.

Until then!



Major cold.

a sunrise from some time ago

Also, it’s the 腊八 festival, which I don’t really know about either. Pretty much all festivals and more important terms are excuses to have big dinners and eat well, which is nice when you’re with family. …which I’m not, but that’s okay. This is the last solar term of 2020! How time passes! Not sure how I got here, to this point, but to be honest, I’m feeling pretty much the same as I did when I wrote the first one. Sleep-deprived, tired in all ways, not really paying too much attention to class, and surrounded by cold snow.

So school has started, and I’ve been having some amount of difficulty settling into a routine. I managed to catch a cold (or maybe just break something in my body) earlier this week, so I’m suffering the consequences now. In the realm of introspection, I’ve also been trying to work through some things, while also trying to balance out other things, and there’s just a lot of things. I feel a bit like a small planet that’s spinning really quickly but orbiting a larger star system in a much slower manner. I haven’t been able to sleep well recently either, and when I do, I have random weirdly vivid nonsensical dreams full of pictures that I note (in the dream) to remember for later so I can recreate them; or full of people that I see on my screen (some I know personally, some I know conceptually) everyday.

I don’t think I have anything else of substance to talk about. Since last post, I’ve watched 2 web-dramas in the 鬼吹灯 series. It was fun to watch, partially because I love history and action, and also partially because I like the main actor. I’m a simple man: if it looks interesting enough, and has enough actors I like, I’ll probably take a look. It was nice also because they were pretty short and I could finish them quickly if I really wanted to. Whenever my Chinese literacy goes up, I might read the original novels… but that’s probably going to take forever since I’m not really learning properly. Anyway, we’ll see. I still think it’s funny that about 2 years ago, I watched the first installment of the web-series for a different man… and now… I guess that really shows how simple I can be.

Also, since it’s the second week of classes, we’re getting right back into Things, and I’m reminded of how much I hate academia. Maybe someday I’ll write something about it (which seems kind of ironic), but for now, I’ll just look at my dark circles in the mirror and tell myself that it’s worth it. At the very least, I know now for certain I hate school.

That’s kind of a sad note to end the post, so I’ll try to think of something else… well, I’ve got nothing. I took 5 minutes away from the post to think but all I have is this playlist I made a while ago. Listen to it if you want. I’m off to nap.