Category: 2021 Solar Terms

piece of cake

惊蛰

A cake my mom and I made last year. It purposefully looks the way it does.

I just ate a slice of frozen cheesecake that I’ve been slowly savouring for the past… few months. I was also thinking about metaphors and figures of speech, so I thought the title would work well. Maybe. I don’t know. Then I had to search for a suitable picture, and conveniently I had a bunch of unedited pictures I took with my DSLR during last year’s extended summer at home on my desktop, so I quickly slapped some adjustments and colour filters on and here we have it! A post!

Let’s see… I’ve done a considerable amount of school work (work in general, I guess) since last time, so I could start by talking about them a bit. I received a mark for one of them already, and it wasn’t … too good … but it was above average! Slightly! So I didn’t feel too bad. The other one I don’t know (if it’s any good) the mark, but it took a lot of work. I probably shouldn’t have done it all one day, but I did, and here it is: a story about baby hands. It’s based off of one of those thoughts I’ve always had running around my mind since high school (“my hands are small and can only hold so much”) (aka can’t hold anything) centred around my feelings of inadequacy. I remember always feeling like I wasn’t very good, just being myself. I felt like I was a terrible older sister, a bad student compared to my friends, a bad friend, a failure at being a Girl, an uninteresting person, and so on. As a teenager, those things were my entire world. I had no identity aside from the roles I was playing in others’ lives, and I was extremely passive. Again… I’m glad I chose to try being independent. I ended up being comfortable with how I wasn’t going to be a certain thing, or become the archetype. I was just going to make myself content, no matter how wonky I am, and when needed, offer my wonky little advice. I mean, I still have those Feelings of Inadequacy, but I get the vibe they’re always going to be here. A more than healthy dose of humility, in a way.

I’ve got a lot of work to do next week if I don’t want to cram again, so there’s not much else to report. Not exciting. I signed up for summer classes on Monday. They’re all online and at night, so I could go home, but I know it’s hard to focus at home. There’s a lot more distractions (like playing games with my brother and watching dramas with my sister and eating a lot and just… anything but work), and I’ll be too comfortable, but… well… anyway. I’ll think about it. I’m always thinking about it.

From a bus on Monday. Venturing out to pick up a package.

I find that my productivity and mood really varies from week to week. An irregular not-so-circular cycle of feeling like a pile of goop (man-soup) and a regular functioning person… I’m really not sure why, but I’m going to try to take advantage of this burst of Liveliness (or as lively as I’ll ever be). Anyway, I did my laundry today so my room smells all nice, and also it’s quite late so I’ll be off to sleep. Hard to believe it’s already March again.

again, it is snowing

雨水

Milk tea…

There was a snowfall warning for this week, and it’s been falling pretty readily this whole week. For once, I’m able to admire it without having to worry about journeying through it to class. It’s very bright out as a result, and the whiteness reflects endlessly in my room. That’s probably not… optically correct, but it sure is blindingly white outside. I can barely look out my windows. I guess that’s it for an introduction to the post. Like last year, I am once again halfway through reading break. I can safely say that I’ve been even less productive this year, but I also care a little less… I just want to get this semester done with. Get this whole degree done with, to be honest. School is an exhausting thing and I wish it wasn’t so necessary.

Anyway, today’s recommendation is a very fresh one. I ordered a milk tea just now and chose kanten jelly as a topping (I know why it’s called a “topping”, but since it usually sinks to the bottom, shouldn’t it be called a… actually, never mind.). It’s very nice. I like the texture. For some inexplicable reason, the bounciness reminds me of a nameless emotion, but it’s an emotion adjacent to joy. Normally I get grass jelly as a topping because 1) it’s soft, 2) it was a sort of nickname in high school, so it has a bit of a bittersweet tinge to it…, and 3) tastes good, but some places aren’t very generous with the amount of jelly. I’m not that picky but I would like to get my 70 cents worth, you know?

Something else I’d like to recommend is a whiteboard wall sticker! I bought a roll of whiteboard material, which you can cut and stick onto a clean section of wall. It’s great fun: I cut one piece to use as a weekly planner, and it’s placed somewhere with high visibility in my room; and another one I cut smaller and placed behind me so I can turn around like some kind of … detective? and write down any thoughts or idea for projects. Obviously these aren’t advertisements, just a good-spirited recommendation. I like whiteboards, they remind me of elementary school. The weekly calendar especially reminds me of the Shape of the Day from primary grades.

I have interesting printing so it’s probably for the better that you can’t read it.

One more recommendation, since I like groups of 3: this song. No particular reason, I just like it. I would link a playlist I made but I think they’re just a tad bit too specific for anyone other than Gloria to Get. But who knows, maybe someday I’ll link one and it’ll be relatable enough… or something.

Let’s see… no real profound thoughts recently. I’ve just been physically chilling and mentally stuck in a rut. I have a lot of projects due next week, as well as a midterm, but I’ve been putting it all off. I don’t know where to start, despite having many scattered pieces and ideas all around my brain and my room… these ellipses are just further evidence that I have no idea what I’m doing. Being lost is also tiring. But anyway, I think that’s it for today. Hopefully next post I’ll still be functional.

Until then.

it continues! + new things

立春。

I went to Chinatown today to get some groceries. I was a little distracted by all the snacks and Chinese New Year specials, but I managed to control myself and only get what I needed. I did buy some instant coffee, though, but that was for purely sentimental reasons. It was the red Nescafe tubes, which is what my grandma had in her home (for one of my uncles), and I ended up drinking them every time I visited because she would make me regardless. Anyway, it was pretty cold today. I wore a soft, thick grey knit sweater my parents bought me when we visited my maternal grandparents in San Francisco in 2016 at Uniqlo; as well as a scarf I bought myself not too long ago. As a result I was pretty warm… the only thing I was missing was gloves, which are pretty hard to buy because I have remarkably small hands. My last pair of gloves were children’s gloves, but those often tend not to be very fashionable. Or even just minimalist, actually. I would just like a pair of black gloves that didn’t attract lint or snag on velcro, while also being waterproof and fit my hands.

Then I got home and cleaned, answered some messages, talked to my roommates briefly, thought about buying a Roomba, and remembered I have homework due tomorrow. So I decided to procrastinate by writing.

This is from last year’s 立春 post.

As usual, my predictions were pretty spot-on. Congratulations! I don’t think there’s been any drastic change personally to me or my life, so it makes sense. Around the end of 2020, though, I was thinking that maybe I should be a little more ambitious and have some more Segments in these posts so I would have something to say instead of what is essentially small-talk with myself. I listed a few things in a document, like Silly Advice, or Random Recommendations, or maybe a sampler for some of the longer posts I’ve been ruminating for the past while. I guess it’ll be up to me on that particular day: originally I was thinking of including all of the above, but I think that maybe Too Much. Again, I don’t know how I’ll be feeling in a few weeks from now, so it’ll all be very 随意… like it always is with me.

I’ll start by just mentioning what I’ve been up to recently, I suppose, in terms of media consumption. My sister and I watched 白夜追凶 at the end of December, and it was a lot of fun. It had been a while since I actually enjoyed watching something, and it also helped that I find men around the age of 40 to be cute (so it was more fun). We went into the show knowing that there wouldn’t be a second season anymore, so we thought Well We Might As Well Watch It Now, except now we are sad that there is no second season. Anyway, then I developed a crush on the main actor and watched the other 鬼吹灯 web-series (as mentioned in the last post), and most recently, I watched 局中人. I had very low expectations for that last one, but… it was better than I expected. I’ve been thinking about writing more in-depth about that drama because there’s a Lot to unpack, but I think I’ll have to do some research and planning first. (It’s 49 episodes, which in my opinion is Too Many episodes, but I finished in less than a week, partly because I spent 10h of one day just watching… My classes were my breaks from the show, instead of the other way around…) Also, I have some stupid thoughts and screenshots on my twitter.

That’s about it for today’s post! At some point I’ll also compile the advice and recs from last year (maybe in the next post, or whenever I end up empty-handed), so that’ll be something. It’s also Chinese New Year soon, which is cool. It’s the year of the Ox, which is also what my parents are. Hehe. It’s time to send them a lot of cow-related trinkets.

Until then!