reload – leaving

[bgm: 소격동]

This tradition, as I have been calling it for the past few days, isn’t really so consistent as I’ve been playing it up to be. I remember that I used to take making goals really seriously, even if I never consciously thought about achieving those goals throughout the year. In a way, I was putting off improvement and ‘growing up’; which I am still doing, but not as assertively.

So, here’s a summary. I doubt I’ll be able to remember anything in detail (for better or for worse).

January: Fairly uneventful, and very cold in terms of the weather… amongst other things.

February: I did a lot of work for other people, and realized that I have no motivation to work for my own gains.

March: A good summary for this entire month: Skype. Simply put, I regret most of what happened from February to July.

April: Elections, Confed. project, failing English, and eventually breaking my phone. A surprisingly pivotal moment.

May: More spontaneous calls, more Socials and English work, more docs: by the end of the month it seemed much different.

June: Ignoring all the school events, I turned 15! Party of sorts, then a sort of emotional hangover.

July: Hopelessness, Planning 10, and then going to China. My vacation was spent whole-heartedly on enjoying a lifestyle I couldn’t ever think of back here; I have the rest of the year at home to sulk.

August: Went home, aforementioned sulking. Re-evaluates the half-year and my decisions regarding it. I end up at the conclusion that maybe I could have done things differently, rather than focusing on the spur of the moment.

September: School starts, and I put in much more effort into doing more than just okay in comparison to previous years. Not that I wasn’t “distracted” anymore, but simply because I had nothing else to do.

October: Continuation of school work and celebrating birthdays, then Halloween.

November: English class is enlightening (that was a joke), negotiations are finally made, and compromises ensue. Zero satisfaction. Also: haircut.

December: For once my assessment report accurately reflects the level of effort I put in. Volunteering, getting sick twice, and trying to maintain an air of composure (not really).

However, just a list of general impressions from each month says nothing about what I have learned:

1) What is a lie now, may have once been the truth.
2) Don’t use too many adjectives.
3) There is no such thing as too much chocolate.
4) Wear a jacket when your mom tells you to.
5) If overdone narcissism is your version of confidence, it’s fine. (Usually.)

I also took a lot of pictures, watched considerably more movies, and listened to a lot of music.

Overall, this year has been enjoyable, even if most of the decisions are ones I wouldn’t make again. I hope to continue incorporating both immature and mature aspects to my personality :D.

The next posts will be on resolutions, goals, and things I’ll actively try to do differently.

Until then.

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