mid-afternoon coffee

小满。

Some flowers near the studio building I had classes in last year.

The above image is an unedited photograph I took with a Fujifilm Finepix camera I got from a seller on ebay. It works great and really gets the Nostalgic Feel, even though I can’t use it for my class. It’s fun, and I like having a point and shoot I can just take outside. If I wanted high-quality pictures, I’d bring my Rebel T6, and if I wanted pictures I can easily share with friends and family I have my phone. I think I still want a few more, though. Definitely want a film camera and a monochrome camera, and maybe some more recent point and shoots? I also would like a video camera, preferably an early 2000s one as well. The resulting product will be as blurry and unreliable as my own memory.

I had a few topics in mind to flesh out later, so I’ve stashed them on a doc somewhere for now. My class has begun, and it’s been okay so far. I’m not really enjoying it, but at least I’m doing something so I don’t feel like a complete and utter waste of space. I went on a few walks last week and earlier this week to take pictures of the streets around where I live, and it’s been nice. Actually, it’s been really hot. It was 33°C today. I felt super lethargic when I woke up in the afternoon so I ordered some 小笼包 and other buns (for lunch and dinner). It was a great incentive. I felt great. Meat is great.

What else? I talked to my family for the remainder of the afternoon, then grabbed dinner around 9pm and called my friends, and then played games with them and some people in the faculty discord until 3am. It was pretty fun, although not productive at all. My friend keeps telling me that I don’t have to produce things to be productive, because technically doing nothing/recuperating can be productive as well, but my stupid puzzle-solving monkey brain says I must see product for it to count. So here I am, writing a post at 4am (though I’ll schedule it for the actual date of).

View out the window behind my desk.

This picture was from the first assignment. I don’t think I did well, but I do think I got a lot out of it. Not academically, necessarily, but more like… well, I got exercise, and I got to see both the sunrise and the sunset. I also saw a shooting star! I talked to my friends pretty often, and I stayed up late and slept in everyday. I could wear all my white graphic T-shirts because it’s hot.

Tangentially related, but I also pulled up some music I haven’t listened to since high school for the Motivation. During the entirety of the weekend I spent working on the first assignment, I was listening to Common World Domination. It’s very fun. The next assignment’s due on Wednesday, so I guess I should find a song/playlist for that. I don’t know what to do yet, but I’ll figure it out in the next few days, somehow.

I guess a suggestion/recommendation is to take some time just to relax, whatever that may mean. Maybe that means sitting in the shower thinking about nothing. Maybe it means watching the sunrise from the attic. Maybe it means eating a lot and then staring at the wall. Maybe it means drinking 2 juiceboxes a day. I always feel guilty about that. I think guilt is stupid. Learning from your mistakes is fine and dandy, but the crushing feelings of inadequacy and fear really don’t need to follow me forever. But! Feelings are irrational. I like to think I’m rational, but unfortunately I am Only Human.

Anyway, that’s it for now. I hope there’s a thunderstorm soon, I love those.